As the holidays are approaching, this is a time where we become the most reflective. We think to ourselves about what we accomplished, what we have not, and what our new goals for next year will be.
As someone who does a yearly reflection, I want to share that peace is one of the most important things we need to reflect on.
The reason for this is because if we don’t have it, it is hard to recognize all the good that has occurred to us in the past year.
If you are having a hard time finding peace, below are 10 ways to help you find more peace.
1. Know the difference between happiness and peace
Sometimes we interchange the words of happiness and peace. Both are states of being that people strive for. However, people fail to understand the difference.
Happiness is something that happens as a result of something external such as a nice trip, a compliment, or something we enjoyed such as taking part in a hobby/passion.
Usually, the happiness feeling is temporary, coming from endorphins, lasting only for a limited time and it wears out.
Peace, on the other hand, is something that happens internally. Once you learn how to have peace within yourself, you are able to have it anywhere, at any time, despite external circumstances.
2. Find support
The most important part of my journey in finding peace was finding supportive people who made me feel good about myself. They were honest and raw, but also helped me challenge the negative thoughts and beliefs about myself.
For example, for years, I was so self-conscious about my prosthetic eye (still am but significantly less than before). So many people told me that they did not even notice it. Also, I did not wear shorts for a long time because I hated my legs. Then, a close friend told me my legs looked good, and that she had a significant scar on her leg, so I had nothing to worry about. She helped me see things differently, from a different perspective.
Through deeper connections and supportive people, I learned that the things I was self-conscious about were all in my head. Yes, people may judge, but everyone has something they are self-conscious about.
People who love you will love you for you, despite your flaws. They will love you for your inner beauty, and who you are as a person.
3. Think of where you need to change your mindset.
Mindset is so important. By knowing how we feel negatively about ourselves, we can dig deeper into our core beliefs. Once you know what your core beliefs are, then you can work on rewiring it.
Be knowing our negative beliefs about ourselves, we are able to have direction on what we need to change. If we don’t know what those beliefs are, then we would be shooting imaginary darts aimlessly.
For example, some negative mindsets we may have are:
- I am shy
- I am awkward
- I can’t keep friends
- I hate small talk
- I make bad decisions
- I don’t have enough knowledge about it
By having these negative mindsets, think of how they are keeping you from finding peace from within yourself. For example, if you think you are shy, how is that keeping you from being peaceful?
Theoretically, someone who thinks they are shy or awkward, may be keeping themselves from talking to others. Therefore, they may be lacking social connection.
Another example is someone who thinks they don’t have enough knowledge about something, let’s say for a job, may not take chances on an opportunity because they think they need more time to gain that knowledge. In this case, they may not apply for a job because they think they don’t have enough experience, and will never know if he or she would have gotten that job.
4. Find something that gives you happiness in the meantime
Oftentimes, when we are looking for peace within ourselves, there are things in our lives that are creating inner turmoil. While you focus on healing that inner turmoil, you need to find the motivation that will propel you forward on your journey.
This could be people such as your children or significant other, a passion that you enjoy such as art, or even the excitement of a new book.
5. Be gentle with yourself.
Usually, when it comes to ourselves, we are harder on ourselves than other people. When you are feeling disappointed with yourself, try and look at the situation as if it was a close friend or loved one in the same situation.
Imagine that your friend or loved one told you what was going on. What would you say to that person? Now, tell yourself the same thing.
When we are gentle with ourselves, we are showing ourselves love and compassion. When we do that, we heal ourselves and eventually find peace.
6. Prioritize Yourself.
Sometimes when we don’t love ourselves first, we don’t prioritize ourselves. We think it is selfish to focus on ourselves. But, we NEED to love ourselves first.
When we do not put ourselves first, we cannot be the best version of ourselves for the people we love. We need to be our best physically, mentally, and emotionally so we can have the most energy to provide for the ones we love.
I know, some of you may be thinking, but I don’t have time! I have responsibilities. I have to take care of my family, children, and loved ones. When they are good, then I will relax and work on myself.
However, think about how you feel after a vacation and after a good night’s sleep. Don’t you feel energized? Happier? More relaxed? Able to enjoy your time with the people you are on vacation with?
Unfortunately, many of us cannot go on vacation every day (oh I would love to!), but what we CAN do is create that person who we are when we are on vacation. We can do this by working on self-care.
My favorite way to prioritize myself is by journaling. Here is a guide on different types of journaling you can do.
7. Learn to set boundaries and be okay with it
Sometimes it is hard for us to set boundaries because we don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings.
We think we are bad people when we hurt other people’s feelings because they don’t like the outcome of us setting that boundary.
However, think to yourself. Are you actually hurting someone by setting that boundary?
They may THINK you are, but it is imaginary and based off of THEIR own expectations of what you should be doing.
Yes, that may sound harsh, but remember what are you sacrificing as a result of it? Is it time, money, energy, and most importantly your health, your peace? All of the above?
When you set boundaries, you are telling others that while you love them, you also love yourself. By loving yourself, you are creating the best version of yourself so you can offer what they need and want from you.
8. Learn how to be assertive.
This tip goes with setting boundaries. Unfortunately, there are givers and takers in this world. People can confuse kindness and generosity with weakness.
By being assertive, you are telling people, you respect yourself, and they should too. When you are assertive (not aggressive), you are loving yourself, and are able to have more peace because you are doing what you want, not what others want.
9. Remove toxic relationships from your life
Toxic relationships are harmful to one’s emotional being. They can affect the way you think, feel, and behave, meaning they are affecting the potential for peace in your life.
When you remove toxic relationships from your life, think of what beautiful potential you are inviting to your life.
10. Practice Gratitude
Studies show by practicing the acknowledgment of good in your life has a variety of benefits. By practicing this simple habit, physical, psychological, and social aspects of your life change as well.
By practicing gratitude for as little as 3 weeks, your well-being and life satisfaction can increase. When you take time to pay attention to things that you are grateful for, you spend more time looking at the positive aspect of your life, than the negative.
As a result, you find more peace because you have changes that happen internally within yourself. You have a greater understanding of what life offers you, and your place within the greater universe.
Be aware, I am not saying 10 EASY ways. These steps take time, take effort, and take a lot of reflection. BUT, when you put in the work, you will be so much happier. If you want support in investing in yourself, hire me as your life coach.
Do you have any other tips? Do you do any of the ones above? Comment below and let me know which one you like best!
Wishing You A Life Where You Live With Your Full Heart and Soul,
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Image Credits: 1) Adobe Stock: Kieferpix 2) Adobe Stock: Stanciuc