The past couple of days I have been really crabby. I do not do well when I have not had time to re-charge and I do not have a solid amount of sleep. What does not help also is that my daughter gets more clingy when I need more space. I am expected to be nurturing, loving, and present, but I cannot get to that point. I want a break, but I know I have to responsibilities as a mother, a wife, an employee, and now beginner entrepreneur. The other day, my husband said something that resonated with me. He said I should have stayed single. Is that true? As an introvert, because I have different needs, does that mean introverts are not allowed to be mothers or wives? I don’t think so. I just think we need more time to ourselves, more time to be alone, in solitude. We need more time to recharge than others, time to nurture ourselves, so when we are done, we can nurture others who love and depend on us.
Also, at work, a fellow coworker made a joke that a lot was going one day that I was unaware of. She was insinuating that I was oblivious. But how can I know, if no one tells me? I was unaware because it was all happening on the first floor and I was in my office on the second floor doing work.
This made me wonder, do I need to be in the “in crowd” just for work to go smoothly? For me to be included in knowing what is happening as it relates to my job? Ever since I have been on my spiritual journey, I have tried to stay true to myself, and not get bothered by who was cool or had all the gossip. I don’t think it is important to have to be part of the crowd, especially if we are talking about professionalism. But just like society, work is its own mini society: if you are not “cool” with the popular person, you miss out on what is going on, and knowing the details. You are excluded from the gossip, from knowing what is happening behind the scenes.
Why is it that if we are different than others we are punished and taught that being different means abnormal or wrong? As little kids we are taught that our individual strengths and unique abilities are what makes us special. When does that magical moment happen in our lives when different no longer mean unique, but rather weird? How do we work with another to honor our differences, to channel the uniqueness that each person brings? When does it become okay to not be like the crowd?